Being the Right Partner
Draft Chapters of Being the Right Partner
We anticipate publishing Being the Right Partner in the spring of 2021. In the meantime, we will continue to refine the material presented here while making it available to our clients. We often suggest specific readings and assessments that are related to our in-session work. Beginning with "Introduction" to the left you will find draft chapters in of our work. We hope this material will be meaningful to you whether or not you are a present client.
Individual Growth and Thriving as a Couple
How successful do you want to be in your most important relationship?
How confident do you want to feel in helping your relationship work, and work well?
What would it be like to see conflict as an opportunity for relationship growth?
Would you like to have the skill to courageously and positively navigate conflict troubled waters with a sense of safety, and with a confident and clear sense of direction?
Our program, Being the Right Partner, will help you (and your partner) be truly masterful in your most important relationship. We guide you in developing greatly increased self-awareness and self-management, leading to consistently making emotionally intelligent choices. We help you become far better, and far more confident as a relationship partner than you ever thought you could be. Our program is not about finding the right partner, or fixing your partner. It's about becoming and being the right partner, bringing your very best self to the relationship.
Our systematic program can help each of you be fully conscious, intentional, and effective — truly masterful — in how you show up in your relationship. Imagine what that would be worth to you in overall life satisfaction.
Frequently Asked Questions
1.What are your office hours?
Our hours are by appointment and span six days per week. We have availability in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, and on Saturday. Couples being seen regularly can reserve the same appointment time each week.
2. Do you offer tele-counseling or online services?
Prior to the pandemic we had a large and very busy counseling center in Redlands, California. Now we are exclusively online. We love it and our clients love it. Increasingly, couples are wanting services in the privacy of their own home. We offer tele-counseling or online services s via a secure online platform. Modern technology provides clear sound and video quality that makes it seem you're in a face-to-face session.
3. What is your rate for tele-counseling?
We charge a flat rate of $85 per 50 minute session for those paying out-of-pocket. We keep our rate unusually low compared to our in-person rate because our overhead expenses have been eliminated now that we are working exclusively online.
4. Do you take insurance?
We take most health insurance and most insurance companies will now pay for online counseling. Check with your insurance company for coverage. In many cases your co-pay will be waived by your insurance company during the pandemic.While we are contracted with most major insurance companies not all provide coverage for couple counseling, or coverage for tele-counseling.
5. How long is an office visit, or a tele-counseling session?
A regular session is 45-50 minutes. However, research has shown that longer sessions are very beneficial for couples. Therefore, sessions of 90 minutes or two hours are also available with an added cost.
6. Do you have a sliding scale?
No, our rates are well below the prevailing rate, and well below our face-to-face rate. We think we offer the best deal around as we offer unsurpassed training and experience, and a proven track record, at a very reasonable price. Also remember that your insurance company may pay for most of the cost.
7. What is your training and experience?
Our training and experience is unsurpassed, yet we pride ourselves on keeping our rates reasonable and affordable. We have been extensively trained in the Gottman method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Couples Communication, Imago Relationship Therapy, and several other methods. Also we have developed own approach which we call Mindful Choices Therapy. Our experience dates back four decades and we have served over 1500 satisfied couples.
8. Do you provide materials and is there a cost?
We provide hundreds of pages of material along with numerous assessments, all at no additional cost.
9. Do you accept credit or debit cards?
We accept all credit and debit cards.
10. What is your availability between sessions?
You may text us at any time with information you want to share at 951-235-3409. You will not be charged for questions that require only a brief answer. For longer responses, you will be charged at our usual rate, prorated for each 15 minutes required for our response.
11. What is your approach to couples arguing within a session?
We are never looking for a bad guy and a good guy. We don't take sides and we don't allow unproductive fighting. We will coach you on how to talk to each other without blaming and attacking, listen to each other without defending or withdrawing, and come together to solve problems as a mutually respectful and mutually understanding team.
12. Why are you posting chapters from your unpublished manuscript?
Our manuscript is a work in progress and is continuously being refined. Couples are often asked to do additional reading and investigate specific concepts relative to their counseling. Also, we find that our work with couples often provides us additional insights that prove useful in refining our writing.
Contents
Introduction
Purposes, Core Assumptions, and the Four Pillars
Part I
Understanding Challenges to Your Relationship
Chapter 1: So, what is love anyway, and why do you need it?
Chapter 2: The Relationship Paradox: Why are we so bad at getting what we want the most?
Part II
Great Choices, Powerful Habits with Mindful Choices Therapy
Chapter 3: Awaken Your Compassionate Mind
Chapter 4: "Habitualizing"—Turn Bad Habits into Good Habits through Mindful Awareness and Neuroplasticity
Chapter 5: Choice and Self-Management—The Mindful Choices Therapy Model for
Building a Solid Relationship.
Chapter 6: The Relationship Challenge—Conflict as an Opportunity for Building your Relationship.
Chapter 7: H42—An Advanced Practice for Couples.
Part III
Assessing Yourself as a Relationship Partner
Chapter 8: The Mindful Choices for Couples Self-Assessment Instructions
Chapter 9: The Assessment
Part IV
The Action Planning Guides
Chapter 10: Intention
Chapter 11: Mindful Self-Awareness
Chapter 12: Choice and Self-Management
Chapter 13: Self-Talk
Chapter 14: Listening, Respecting, Accepting, and Validating
Chapter 15: Assertive, Open, and Vulnerable
Chapter 16: De-Escalating Conflict and Building Trust
Chapter 17: Language Choices for Conflict Management
Chapter 18: Mindful Sex
Chapter 19: Following through
Epilogue
Chapter 20: The Road Ahead: Changes, Transitions, and Revitalization
